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SurfJunky was so bad the last couple days that I was ready to quit. But tonight things starting working well again. They're combating all kinds of "cheating" such as the use of alternate browser programs (like Butane) and complicated workarounds for FireFox (like described here). Despite the availability of these programs, the current version of SurfJunky is so pleasant that I don't mind it at all, and I don't recommend the alternates.
A couple of relatively coincidental events combined to lead to our joining BJ's today. First we got an offer for discounted membership - $30 for 15 months (instead of the usual $40 for 12). Second, I noticed the most probable cause of our poor traction in the snow (only a relatively recent occurrence) is probably due to the extraordinarily worn front tires.
As you're supposed to replace tires with equal or better tires, I was looking for 205/65R15 92H M+S's. I ended up getting 94H Michelin Energy™ MXV4® Plus tires. The difference between a load index of "92" and "94" is 88 pounds.
The advantage of buying tires from a Costco/BJ's type of store is that they are reasonably priced and will stand behind the product down the road (pun intended). As I was neither a member of Costco nor BJ's, I chose the closer, cheaper option. The only trouble I really encountered was the amount of time the long process took.
1) Join BJ's (front of store)
2) Pick-up tires from the Tire Center (back of store)
3) Wait in line to check out (front of store)
4) Take tires to Tire Installation Center (around corner of building)
5) Fill out paperwork and find out that it will be at least 40-60 minutes before they start on my car
6) Kill time at other stores in area
7) Find out that it will be at least another 30-60 minutes before they start on my car
8) Attempt to pick up car, only to find out that they replaced the correct (front) tires, but neglected to install them on the back wheels*
9) Wait 15 minutes while they rotate the tires
10) Leave, 3+ hours after arriving
*It has been shown that the tires with the best treads belong in the back to maintain stability and reduce fishtailing. Worn treads in the front can be controlled through steering, rear wheels can't.
I've been updating my SurfJunky post with all sorts of useful tips and tricks to maximize your earnings. Sign-up now to start making free money from Surf Junky!
I'm generally not a fan of buying things off eBay. People often think they can get great deals there, but I usually feel that it just means I missed out on a better deal...
However, there are exceptions. eBay is a great resource for used and hard-to-find parts. Another recently discovered value: magazine subscriptions. My Popular Science subscription was running low. The best offers from PS was $21.95 for 2 years or $29.95 for 3. On eBay I got 3 years for $8.99! As good a deal as that was, when I posted this entry there were some 3-year subscriptions available for $7.99 and a 5-year subscription for $14.98!
As I'm running low on toner (and the drum on my printer is showing signs of wear), I decided to think about simply buying a new printer. So I did:
$149.98 573814 Samsung ML-1740 Laser Printer
$0.39 525881 OIC Paper Clips, #1 Smooth
-$20 off $150 coupon*
$11.25 tax
$141.62 Total
-$30 Rebate
-$30 Rebate
-$37.30 PM to SecureMart ($116.20) or TechOnWeb ($118.76) (the latter is an official reseller)
-$3 FatCash
-$5 PriceGrabber Rebate
$36.31 Final Cost
*I could have lowered the price using a $30 off $150 coupon instead, but I didn't have, and would have needed to buy one on Ebay. With the chancy PM involved, it wasn't worth the risk.
After a looooong wait, FW just informed me that my FatCash on an OM purchase on August 1, 2004 was approved! From a $76.98 purchase, an additional $2.54 is back in my pocket! (This was my highly profitable chair order!) My profit total now comes to over $56 on that order!
Beckoning back to the days of AllAdvantage.com, SurfJunky will pay you to surf! And what's more - they don't take up screen space. Instead they use a separate windows that self refreshes, and pops on top every once in a while. This can be a bit annoying, but it seems that they don't require that you be actively using the computer, so you can run it while you sleep!
To make things even easier, try any of the following:
1) Run it on a computer you're not using
2) Run it under a different account/profile in Windows XP
3) Run it using Mozilla (they don't allow FireFox*), which prevents it from grabbing focus
4) As SurfJunky is having some difficulty keeping up with demand, the ad page doesn't load occasionally. Once this happens, you are wedged, and no new ads will load until the page is refreshed manually. Use an auto-refreshing plug-in for your browser to prevent long periods of zero earnings due to this problem:
a) for IE, use YRefresher (thanks Lippy)
b) for Mozilla, use ReloadEvery (thanks Shaya)
Sign up here. Use a working but less than favorite email address - their TOS include accepting spam.
Payment starts at $0.45/hour + referrals! After just .03 hours spent surfing, I've already earned $0.01 ... but it can add up: $0.45/hour * 24 hours/day * 30 days/month = $324! Check my SurfJunky status right above the Rebate Meter (on the left).
(See below for the TOS, which seem to disappear from the menu once you are logged in.)
*However, if you complete the following steps, you should be able to:
1) Activate your Firefox browser and in the URL dialog box, type about:config to access the browser configuration.
2) In the filter dialog window, type useragent and look for general.useragent.vendor. Double click on this value to edit the value and erase the word Firefox.
3) Look for general.useragent.vendorSub and erase the value. Not all Firefox browsers have this set, depending on what version you have installed.
More FireFox Info
By signing up and actively using the Surf Junky program you agree to all terms and conditions set forth in this agreement. Surf Junky may, at any time, choose to edit, add and/or delete portions of this agreement and impose changes without prior notification of its members. Members will be informed of any and all changes to this policy via an email to their primary contact email address provided upon signing up with Surf Junky. If any modification is unacceptable to you, your only recourse is to terminate this agreement. Your continued participation in the Surf Junky program following our posting of a change in policy notice or new agreement on our site will constitute binding acceptance to the change. Surf Junky reserves the right to cancel any members accounts, at any given time, for any reason at all.
Responsibility of Members:
You must be 13 years of age or older to participate in this program. Our program is open to both US and International members and is void where prohibited by local governing laws. You agree to and must use your own name and email address in the sign-up process and may not assume a false identity. You may not sign-up multiple times with different email addresses. Your computer must not be shared with another individual that has an existing Surf Junky account. More than one instance of the Surf Junky Browsers may not be opened at any time. This may result in suspension or termination of your account due to excessive use. Accounts may be removed or suspended after three automatic warnings from the system. Certain browsers may automatically produce duplicate windows, please disable this function before using Surf Junky as you will be held responsible for any errors caused by your own software.
You will use your username and password combination to access your account, it is your responsibility to keep this information confidential. You are solely responsible for any and all use of your Surf Junky account including authorization by you to any third party individual who may use your account.
Should any instances of fraud, system abuse, or any type of activity deemed to be inappropriate or illegal by Surf Junky be detected it may result in member termination and possible legal action. Any solicitation of advertisers for a confirmation email for purposes of receiving credit in your account will be grounds for immediate termination. You must maintain your e-mail account that you used when signing up with Surf Junky. You agree to receive e-mail advertising from Surf Junky.
In the event your e-mail account on file becomes closed or blocked to messages from Surf Junky, your account will be terminated. This especially applies to e-mail accounts returned for being Full. Any member sending us falsified emails will result in automatic termination of account and forfeiture of all earnings to date of termination. Auto-responses will also be deleted immediately.
Relationship of the Parties:
You and Surf Junky are independent contractors, and nothing in this Agreement creates any partnership, joint venture, agency, franchise, sales representative or employment relationship between you and Surf Junky. You understand that you do not have authority to make or accept any offers or make any representations on behalf of Surf Junky. You may not make any statement, whether on your site or otherwise, that would contradict anything in this section. You are solely responsible for the reporting and payment of any taxes for money earned while using the program.
Limitation of Liability:
Surf Junky will not be liable for lost profits, lost business opportunities, or any other indirect, special, punitive, incidental or consequential damages arising out of or related to this Agreement or Surf Junky program, even if Surf Junky has been advised of the possibility of such damages. Furthermore, Surf Junky aggregate liability arising under this Agreement will not exceed the amount of the total fees paid or payable to you under this Agreement. The provisions of this Section survive termination or expiration of the Agreement.
Payments:
Members may earn by referring new members to the Surf Junky program. Members will earn a percentage of advertising revenues collected by Surf Junky. Members will be paid via PayPal, Stormpay, e-Gold, or Check. Surf Junky will pay members when their balance reaches the minimum payout rate set by Surf Junky, currently $25.00. Once the member has reached payout their account will be reviewed during the next payment period to be considered eligible to receive payment. Payments will be made within 30 days or a reasonable time after. Payment periods end on the last day of every month.
Spam:
You may not promote your referral links through unsolicited emailing (i.e. SPAMMING), newsgroup postings, or any other method of mass communication. Failure to comply will result in immediate termination of your membership with Surf Junky and may result in legal prosecution. Surf Junky strictly enforces anti-Spamming laws. Spamming is a federal crime. Any member caught Spamming will not only have their account terminated immediately and lose any past, present and future earnings, but shall also be held liable for Spamming as we shall cooperate with any authorities and investigations that may arise from the Spamming incident. Surf Junky may charge up to $5 per spam email sent. Multiple sign-ups shall be grounds for immediate termination of all involved accounts. Signing up multiple times from the same computer also constitutes fraud. Surf Junky will file charges for recovery of any earnings received from multiple sign-ups.
Ever wonder why number pads on keyboards go from bottom to top, while number pads on touch-tone phones go from top to bottom? I do, and reader Lippy has informed me that he thinks the reason is historical for keyboards and practical for phones. Specifically, with letters assigned to the numbers on a phone, numerical/alphabetical (top to bottom) is more logical. However, old counting machines had 0 (lowest number) on the bottom, and 9 (highest number) on top.
Seems reasonable, but if you've got another reason, let me know!
To the extent of my chocolate-peanut butter experience, the best combination comes in the forms of little Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs, available only for a limited time around Easter. These candies are far superior to regular peanut butter cups, and are virtually irresistible! If you've never tried them, I suggest you do. And be sure to stock up before they leave stores!
Reader Lippy reminded me that another seasonal option are the Bells that come out around X-mas.
As my collection of digitally captured photos grows, my interest in printing all the good ones wanes. But gathering everyone around the computer is not always the handiest way to display the photos. One option is to build (or buy) a digital photo frame. I'd seen some cruddy ones when I ran across a DIY article in Popular Science. There are actually 3 versions of the article, Display Your Digital Wonderland, on their website. Interestingly, the author's name is Paul Wallich:
Though I'm not sure I'll ever get around to it, it has always struck me as an interesting project, though a bit expensive. Offsetting the cost might be the use of the screen from an old notebook I have lying around (Compaq Presario 1200-XL111). The main problem will be figuring out a way to hook up the notebook's LCD to a standard video card. When I yank the monitor, I will probably sell the rest of the parts on ebay.
In a feat of scientific marvel, we created a new life form back in January. While in California, we visited The Tech Museum of Innovation. Specifically, we inserted a jellyfish gene into bacteria. As the bacteria grow, they make green jellyfish protein. [The Crystal Jelly (Aequorea Victoria) glows because it has a gene that makes a green fluorescent protein (GFP).]
Mine: | Hers: |
Apparently DSW doesn't stand for Discount Shoe Warehouse, it stands for Designers of Stupid Webpages! They sent me an email indicating that "Now it's easier to check your balance!" However, when I tried to log-in, I found that the maximum field length for the email address is 20 characters, and my email address on file with them is 21.
How dumb!
So I emailed them using their website to inform them of the flaw.
I CAN'T LOG INTO YOUR WEBSITE, EVEN THOUGH "NOW IT'S EASIER TO CHECK YOUR BALANCE!"Why?
Because your web designers set the length of the email field too short! Get with the program - it's really possible for an email address to be longer than 20 characters! That, and the fact that you already have my "long" email address on file makes me wonder if DSW really stands for "Designers of Stupid Webpages!"
How ridiculous that I have to waste my time telling you this! In case you're curious, email addresses can be up to 100 characters long.
After I filed an e-complaint I was informed:
Thank you. Your request is being processed.If your message requires a reply, you can expect to hear from us within 14 days.
The geniuses over at DSW responded much quicker (more like within 14 minutes):
Thank you for contacting DSW Customer Service. We are pleased that you took the time to make us aware of your concerns, and we appreciate your feedback. We have forwarded your comment to the Webmaster so that they can be made of the problem with the field size.You can register your email address if it is longer than the 20 digits by copying and pasting it in the email fields. Please let us know if you have further concerns. Have a very pleasant day.
Sherry S. Loreen
DSW Customer Service
My response:
It's great that you plan on working on it, but don't send me false information. If a field is limited to 20 characters, you can't copy & paste it - any characters beyond 20 will get cut off.
They responded with a 5 MB(!!!) attachment! Of what, you may ask? She sent two screen shots trying to prove me wrong. The fact that the page she was accessing differed from mine seems to be lost on her, so I responded:
Well, maybe if you tried accessing the same page I'm having problems with, you'd have a chance of experiencing the same problem that I'm experiencing. The page I am having problems with is the one linked to in the email DSW sent me not the one you are accessing. If the field length limit is set to 20 characters (as it is - look at the source code, which readsinput type="text" name="email" maxlength="20" tabindex="4" value="" style="width:140px;" class="copyField"
You'd realize that the length is, in fact, 20 characters, no matter what you do.
Finally, why the heck would you sent a 5 MB!!! email to me? Even with a fast connection, do you have any idea how long it took to download?!
Their final response (I've had enough):
Thank you for your informative and helpful response. We do realize that all of our email fields are currently set at accepting 20 digits, and as mentioned previously, we have asked the Webmaster to make the fields larger. In each field, you can paste the email address even if it is longer than 20 digits regardless of which page on the website your are on.
Hopefully, we can get the correction into place quickly so that you won't be further inconvenienced in the future. We regret that the file we sent you was large, but thought it necessary in trying to assist you with the login process since you were unclear on the pasting of the address. Have a wonderful day.
Sherry S. Loreen
DSW Customer Service
Uh, yeah, I was the one who was unclear!
Still in the process of making our home child-resistant, I began to install the Safety 1st Swivel Outlet Cover. Unfortunately, the screw broke in the process, resulting in an outlet with NO cover. I emailed to complain and got no response, called to complain, was told my email was at the top of the queue, and I will receive a refund for the cover (upon faxing in my receipt) and a free gift.
Lucky me.
Though I'm generally not too picky about my clothes, there are certain things I look for. In a dress shirt, I look for two things:
-Fitted (or trim) cut (because I don't like all the extra material found on regular/full cut shirts)
-Wrinkle-free (because I'm too lazy to iron and too cheap to pay for professional cleaning)
It's been several years since I've found exactly what I've been looking for, but I recently decided to see what I could find online, and found two:
Lands' End's Men's Trim Fit Long Sleeve Buttondown 60% Cotton/40% Polyester Oxford Shirt (also available from Lands' End directly, but I made use of my A9 discount by buying through Amazon) $19.50
Geoffrey Beene's Stain Repellant Fitted Solid Dress Shirt- Point Collar $29.99 (Repellent typo is their's)
Of course there's FW, but many others, too, and often they offer varying rates. The malls I've found (and use) include:
FatCash
Ebates
Mr. Rebates
ExtraRebates
It'd be cool to have one central place that shows the rebates available for all retailers, but I'm not in the mood for doing it myself...
OfficeMax CEO Resigns; Co. Fires 6 Workers
Monday, February 14, 2005
(02-14) 07:20 PST Chicago (AP) --
OfficeMax Inc. announced the resignation Monday of its president and chief executive officer and said it terminated six employees as a result of an ongoing internal investigation into its accounting.
The nation's No. 3 office products retailer also said it overstated operating income for first quarter fiscal 2004 by $5 million to $10 million by failing to record certain rebates and payments to vendors. The accounting error led to the understatement of income in the second and third quarters, the company said.
Christopher C. Milliken has resigned and will be replaced on an interim basis by George J. Harad, the company's executive chairman. The Itasca, Ill.-based company said it would begin a search for a permanent CEO.
Milliken's resignation was a "mutual decision" between the CEO and the board of directors related to the company's operations and financial situation, spokesman Bill Bonner said. He declined to elaborate.
Last month, OfficeMax Chief Financial Officer Brian Anderson resigned, and the company said its fourth-quarter earnings report would be delayed because of accounting problems.
"We are taking steps to strengthen the OfficeMax management team, and fully expect to demonstrate the value inherent in this business for our shareholders," Harad said in a statement Monday.
OfficeMax said it fired six employees over its findings that some workers fabricated supporting documentation for about $3.3 million in claims billed to a supplier of its retail business. It had announced four of the firings last month after first disclosing the finding.
OfficeMax said Monday it will report fourth-quarter and full-year results March 14. It said it expects operating income to be $125 million to $135 million for 2004.
The company said its investigation should conclude by late February.
Analyst Anthony Chukumba of Chicago-based Morningstar said Milliken's departure was probably inevitable in light of the company's recent problems.
"At the end of the day, when you have a scandal like this, the CEO has got to go," he said.
OfficeMax's effort to hire a chief executive could be complicated by the fact that rival Office Depot Inc. also has been searching for a CEO for several weeks, the analyst said. OfficeMax is the No. 3 U.S. office products retailer behind Staples Inc. and Office Depot.
Shares of OfficeMax fell $2.21, or 7 percent, to $29.54 in morning trading on the New York Stock Exchange _ down more than 20 percent since June.
At 3 a.m. Sunday, March 13, 2005, E-ZPass car tolls will increase to $4 at most MTA Bridges & Tunnels; $8 on the Verrazano-Narrows; $1.75 on the Henry Hudson and $1.50 on Rockaway Bridges. E-ZPass truck tolls will also increase, e.g., a 2-axle truck becomes $6.40; $12.80 at the Verrazano and $3.20 at Rockaway Bridges.
Boo! Hiss!
We've been moving along in the process of making at least part of our home baby-resistant (much like water-"proof" watches of yesteryear, I don't think any home can be baby-proof). We investigated gates yesterday, and found that Buy Buy Baby's selection was less comprehensive than in other product categories. There are two main types of gates, and two ways that each attaches.
"Walk-through" gates act like a door, and have a mechanism to allows adults to pass through without removing the entire gates. With these types of gates, check out whether they can swing both ways (useful in hallways and doorways) and how they open (no-hands, one-hand, two-hands).
"Barrier" gates aren't really gates, but temporary walls. While in place, no one can pass through - the gate must be removed and re-installed to pass.
As I mentioned, there are two ways that each of these can attach.
"Pressure-mount" gates stay in place by forcibly wedging themselves between two walls (or a doorway).
"Installation Required" gates are physically attached to the walls, usually using screws.
When selecting a gate, it is important to measure first. While most gates fit a range of widths, many require extra hardware in order to expand beyond a certain width. There are also some models specifically designed to accommodate widths substantially larger than average doorways.
For general use, the best model I've found is the Hands Free Gate by The First Years. It's a pressure-mount, walk-through gate that accommodates all standard doorways 29" to 34" wide. Five or ten inches can be added using one or two Gate Extension Kits.
Reviews:
1) Epinions: 4/5
2) Amazon: 4.5/5
Summary: The gate received some negative reviews for foot pedals that broke after relatively minimal use. The First Years website indicates that the current version includes an "improved" foot pedal.
Pricing:
I have generally found better prices for baby products online, but that was not the case this time (I was shopping for 4 gates and 1 extension). There were 3 main choices:
1) Baby Universe: $59.99/gate + $18.99/extension + $6.95 shipping/order. Even with 7.2% FatCash ($18.64) and a 10% off $100+ coupon ($25.90), the total would be $221.37
2) Netkidswear.com: $58.88/gate + $59.57 shipping. Even without the extension, the total would be a whopping $285.09!
3) Babies'R'Us.com: $49.99/gate + $14.99/extension + $65.63 shipping + 8.625% tax ($24.16) - (π/2)% A9 discount ($4.78) = another whopper, $299.96!
Babies'R'Us B&M: $49.99/gate + $14.99/extension - 10% off gates >$24.99 coupon ($20) + tax ($16.81) = $211.77
I found a handy guide to Digital Cameras which I have decided is link-worthy. It's technically a blog, but not treated as one.
On more than one occasion, I have used the USPS's Track & Confirm feature to determine if a package I am receiving has been delivered. On several of those occasions, when I have checked with the mailroom for the package on the date that the system says something along the lines of "Your item was delivered at 8:49 am on February 11, 2005," I have been told that the confirmation is that the package arrived at the local post office, not the actual delivery location!
Clearly these is a breakdown in the truth somewhere along the line, though I'm not sure whether to trust the government or the mailroom staff. Either way, no package!
UPDATE: Or, so I thought. As I was about to publish this post, the in-house mail guy stopped by and dropped off my package. It seems the folks down in the mailroom are the spreaders of misinformation.
UPDATE 2: While clearly some blame rests with the mailroom, the USPS still has its faults. Another order that I just checked (out of curiosity - it was delivered on 2/8 or 2/9) still shows as "en route."
Well, T-Mobile's system recovered from whatever hiccup it was suffering from when I last checked my balance. A bit too much so. My first bill recently arrived, and I was a bit surprised to find that they had charged me $38.66 for "Monthly Service" considering that I had already corrected them regarding my monthly billing rate.
I called and spoke to Kimberly (#122106) who told me that the only way to fix it was to fax a copy of my contract to her. As it is against my principles to go out of my way to fix service companies' screw-ups, I refused, insisting that they dig up their own copy of the contract. Claiming no access to such records, Kimberly told me there was nothing she could do, so I asked to speak to a supervisor. She said I could, but that I still would have to fax in my contract. Right.
After waiting on hold for several minutes, a supervisor named Andre (#122273) picked up. Other than trying a bit too hard to promote T-Mobile's name, he was fairly helpful. After I re-explained the situation he looked it up in his system (I'm not sure if he accessed the actual contract or something else), accepted my story, and proceeded to spend entirely too long calculating how much I had been overcharged. He eventually credited me $18.91 (including taxes and fees).
It's a known fact that bananas must be protected. However, until recently, there was no certain way of doing this. Luckily some engineers have come to the rescue!
Introducing the ...
BananaBunker®
and
The Banana Guard
I'm not sure which is better, nor am I likely to find out anytime soon. But if you do, please let me know!
Thanks to reader Lippy, I present, The Lock Busters
The Lock Busters
They've never met a padlock - or six-pin paracentric cylinder - they couldn't crack. Live, from the lock-picking championship of the world.
By Charles Graeber
For a lock picker, the world is a different place. Take, for example, a typical suburban house, with a bicycle in the front yard and a five-pin Weiser bolting the front door - a basic pin-and-tumbler lock, employed by millions of home owners.
When most people see that lock, they see security. But a lock picker sees a game. And maybe 15 seconds with a rake pick and a tension wrench. As for the bike Kryptonited to the railing out front? Please. Ten seconds, tops, with a Bic Round Stic ballpoint.
Or take a jewelry store on Main Street. The world sees the shatterproof Lexan windows and stone walls. Sure, you could melt the Lexan with a lighter or turn that wall into lava with a few strokes of a battery-powered thermal lance, but that's not fair, that's forced entry. Besides, why bother when you can go through the door? The dimpled 437-rated high-security lock, the one Underwriters Laboratories considers a 20-minute pick job? A 12-year-old with a bump key could hack it in 20 seconds.
To understand how, drive two hours north of Amsterdam, to a small brick building in the Dutch village of Sneek. The Sneek Wigledam Youth Hostel appears to be nothing special, just bunk beds and a bar-and-breakfast space of unpainted wood and colorful furniture - something like an Ikea Gulag. But to a lock sports aficionado, this is Wimbledon.
It's 20 hours before the third annual Dutch Open lock-picking competition will begin, but the room is already packed with 50 or so men and women wielding burglar tools and representing the international steel bolt-hacker diaspora. By the kitchen you'll find Jean-Marie, a debonair French military "surreptitious entry" instructor in a black commando sweater, chatting with a lock enthusiast about his collection of Abloy disc tumblers. At the door is Barry Wels, the event's host and a coinventor of the CryptoPhone. He's hacking an expensive, high-security, dimpled Mul-T-Lock using only a filed key and a steak knife handle. Behind the bar, a pair of locksmiths are speculating about which of the newbies is really an undercover cop. By the pool table, a gaggle of Dutch programmers probes the latches of a combination padlock with a broken tape measure, while behind them a German cyberpunk sells a hand-milled Kryptonite skeleton key to an American satellite engineer: 100 euros - cheap.
Standing above them all, with a beer stein in one hand and a cigarette in the other, is Arthur Bühl, a private dick from Hamburg and one of the most successful lock pickers of all time. Even in this crowded, smoky room, you can't miss him - he's the one standing 6'5" in snakeskin boots, with a kidney-length mullet cascading over the broad shoulders of his double-breasted zoot suit. Bühl's Fabio-the-Barbarian look stands out. So does his record. Although he's never won a Dutch Open, he's won most everywhere else, earning him Germany's ultimate lock-picking accolade: Master of the Universe.
"Arthurmeister!" booms Arthurmeister. Across the room, beer mugs chink at the cry of his name. The Master of the Universe ranking reflects his cumulative lock-picking score - it's a title that the lock sport commissioners bestow on the world points leader. If Bühl wants to keep it, he has to keep winning. Tomorrow, his sights will be set on toppling the current Dutch Open champion - a slight, mustachioed man in a T-shirt and acid-washed jeans named Julian Hardt. Back in Germany, Hardt works as a rainmaker, piloting his twin-prop to seed thunderheads with silver iodide.
"For me, a lock is an intellectual puzzle, like chess!" Julian the Champ yells in Bavarian-accented English. He yells because two men behind him have started pithing a steel safe with a cobalt-tipped drill. "But when you break a lock, when you crack that first puzzle, when you feel pins click and the cylinder go - it's like a drug," he continues. "So then you want to try a harder one!"
Arthurmeister throws an arm around Julian the Champ and laughs as only a Master of the Universe should. "Ja, life is good," he declares. "But tomorrow, you are mine."
Hardt smiles in concession. His eyes level at Arthurmeister's chest hair. "Arthur, tomorrow is tomorrow." Hardt says. "Why not have another beer today?"
Marc Weber Tobias is the author of Locks, Safes, and Security: An International Police Reference, a two-volume, 1,400-page compendium referred to here as De Bijbel. Last summer, Tobias' report on how to use a ballpoint pen to hack tubular locks - locks with circular key interfaces, like those made by Kryptonite - made headlines coast to coast. Much to the company's horror, Tobias publicly ridiculed their bike lock as an overpriced horseshoe. "Those people are unbelievably arrogant," he says with a smirk. "I can't wait to break their next design and destroy that company."
Tobias shrugs off the notion that by publicizing the vulnerability, he's creating a crime wave. "People are just mad because they wasted 50 bucks," he says. "People trust their lives and safety to these locks. But most locks are garbage. Look around, they're easy to open. Not knowing that doesn't make you safer." Tobias rolls his eyes and waggles his head incredulously. "I mean, what do people want - security through ignorance? Wake up."
This rumpled 59-year-old ur-nerd isn't in Sneek to compete. He's staying in this "godawful miniature prison" to give a PowerPoint presentation ("Vulnerabilities of Master Key Systems") and to videotape the newest attacks against the latest locks. So he's perfectly happy to offer a few friendly tips to a fellow American who's new to the sport and struggling to learn the ropes.
"You're retarded," Tobias says, watching the neophyte wrestle with the pins. Tobias takes the lock and looks inside to make sure it isn't broken. It's fine. "I'll tell you how they teach it in covert-entry camp," he says, laying a hand on the poor picker's shoulder. "First, I stick you in a cage. Then I lock the door." Tobias straightens and smiles. "End of story. Trust me, it works," he says. "Death is a fantastic motivator."
Diamond picks, snakes, rakes, combs, shallow picks, and handmade tension wrenches of black spring steel - the tools are readied for battle. It's 10 o'clock the next morning in the tournament hall. The competitors sit before their instruments.
The rules are old-school, head-to-head. Each person gets a different lock. Eight minutes to open your lock, then switch locks across the table and begin again for another eight. That's a round. At the end of each round, whoever has a shorter combined time is the winner. The rounds continue until it's only two, then one.
It's locksmith against space engineer, programmer against undercover cop, French commando against American college student. Julian the Champ, who grips the lock in one hand as he picks it with the other, dries his fingers on his pant leg and tries to remain calm. Arthurmeister prepares his vise. Amazingly, although last seen at 4 am manning the keg and shouting his own name, Arthurmeister is downstairs looking fresh in a double-breasted suit and vest, a key insignia on his red silk tie. His meaty hands are shaking and his eyes are bloodshot, but the Master of the Universe is ready to rock.
"Three, two, one, go!" The pickers grab their tools and begin. Most combine the tension wrench with a rake - a tool with multiple heads that can be dragged quickly over all the pins at once. As they work, they stare down at the table or into space. They're visualizing, using the pick like a catfish uses its whiskers, mapping the dark recesses by feel. It's a cold hard world inside the keyway. There are special pins, mushrooms, telescopes, wedges. Pins designed to foil people, pins that don't cooperate. And always, there's the pressure of the clock.
"This isn't pressure," Tobias says. "Try real-world covert entry. Either you pick the lock fast or you get shot or arrested. End of story."
"Open!" says Julian the Champ.
"Open!" yells Arthurmeister.
Round after round, the competitors fall away, until finally, inevitably, only these two remain. They sit down across from each other at a table. The spectators and fallen competitors gather around.
A lock is placed in front of the Champ. He scoops it up and squints into its mysterious darkness. It's a Lips 8042C, a five-pin cylinder with a straight keyway. It's tough, but fair.
Arthurmeister receives its sister lock, the Lips 8362C. It's a six-pin high-security model. Several of the pins are mushroom-shaped. Working them with a pick is difficult, made all the more so by the keyhole. It's paracentric, shaped something like a thalidomide lightning bolt, and expressly designed to hinder the motion of a picker's tools. In technical terms, the 8362C is a bitch.
Arthurmeister stubs out his cigarette and tightens the demon lock in his vise. Then he rubs his hands and leans over his challenge like a hungry giant. Go! The opponents wedge in their tension wrenches and begin.
Not much is happening at the tables. It's like watching a chess match, only without the chessboard. But to a knowledgeable lock picker, this is an epic showdown. "Intense!" whispers Tobias.
Hardt works his picks in his cupped hand as if he's applying lipstick to a hand puppet. Arthurmeister scrapes away at the monster in his vise like a dentist on Benzedrine. The tools of the trade look like toothpicks in his oversize mitts.
"Open!" cries Arthurmeister. He smooths his plumage back and sits upright in his throne, triumphant.
The other lock pickers gasp. Someone claps. Arthurmeister has picked the 8362C in only 20 seconds. It was a rake pick on a supertough lock, an opening that uses luck almost as much as skill.
Meanwhile, Julian the Champ can't pick his lock at all. The clock runs out at eight minutes.
Julian looks up through his tangled eyebrows. "Oh, Arthur," he sighs. He sucks his teeth and grimaces like a beaver. They switch locks. The Champ has to beat Arthurmeister's time or he loses. It's almost impossible. Julian works at the 8362C intensely, but 20 seconds is not time enough. It's over. He stands, defeated. His opponent inhales him in a bear hug.
The crowd claps and hoots. "Arthurmeister!" they yell.
"Beer!" Arthurmeister booms back. The Master of the Universe lopes to the bar to celebrate, more, again. And a new Dutch Open champion is born.
Four Ways to Open a Lock
1. Key
The traditional method. Notice that the pins align along the shearline, allowing the cylindrical plug to turn and open the lock.
2. Pick
With a torque wrench and a pick, the pins can be moved up manually.
3. Rake
With luck, the pins will open when swept with a rake. Torque on the wrench keeps the pins open after they catch.
4. Bump key
Tap a specially cut key, and the pins pop apart.
Call 800-745-4000 and press 2 to get this freebie. Give them your phone number and they'll guess your name and address.
I'll let you know what the surprise is when I get it!
Though it seems to happen on more of a monthly basis than daily, I seized the opportunity to be a good samaritan yet again. As I was loading my stuff into the car yesterday morning there was a particularly rude school bus driver rambling down the road.
As he came alongside my car (but on the other side of the street - he was going in the opposite direction), a van pulled partway into the vacant spot behind my car to allow the bus to pass. This would have been fine, except another car pulled behind the van at an angle, blocking the bus. This created a circular roadblock, such that no vehicle could easily move out of another vehicle's way.
It would have been easiest for the car to backup out of the way, but she didn't. Instead, the bus driver yelled at the driver of the van to pull up. That pulling up would have caused the van to collied with my parked car was apparently of no concern to the bus driver. Eventually the driver of the car was able to pull up enough to allow the bus to pass.
It was this initial "confrontation" that, despite not causing any physical damage, caused me to observe the driver as he rambled down the street. As he passed my location I continued to watch him, and as he reached a distance of no more than a few car lengths away I heard a crunch and watched as he broke the mirror of the car of a neighbor of mine. I quickly pulled out my Palm to record his license plate number, bus number, and the phone number listed on the bus.
As our street is narrow and there's actually a fair amount of traffic in the mornings, the bus was proceeding very slowly (though clearly not stopping), and I was easily able to catch up with him. I yelled at the drive to gain his attention and criticized him for breaking the mirror. Both he and an adult aide denied hitting or breaking any mirrors - ever - and I don't think he would have thought twice about fleeing until I threatened to call the cops.
He finally flipped on the "Do Not Pass" flashing lights (thoroughly obstructing the morning traffic) and went to look at the car I "claimed" he hit. Around this time my wife came looking for me. Upon hearing the situation she ran to get the neighbor whose car had been hit. Despite excessive "school bus" yellow paint on the broken mirror, the driver claimed it wasn't his bus's paint. He began to head back to his bus, and I thought he was going to leave.
Instead, he returned, with a change of heart. "I did hit him ... it was me," he said. I guess the silver paint on his bus must have convinced him. He began to mumble something about coming back later to leave a note (the bus was full of kids waiting to get to school...), but by this time the neighbor arrived and he produced a form that he filled out and gave to her.
During all this time, no traffic could get through on our block. While he was filling out his form with the neighbor, I ran inside the house to grab my camera, and snapped a few pictures of the silver paint on the bus.
Violating the old saying, I got annoyed that several pages had serious creases in the case I got from Staples last year. "Got" being the key word. I can't really claim to have bought it. After all, the case was free with a coupon (and a $100 purchase), which actually credited for an extra dollar. In the end I returned the phone, but was allowed to keep the paper, so I seem to have made $1 on that purchase.
When I called to complain and described the problem, "Sandra" was sympathetic, and offered me a $5 gift check. Fair enough I though, and proceeded to give her my address. However, by the end of the conversation she had not only taken the time to describe her personal paper preferences, but also decided to send me a $10 check instead.
The FW T-shirt that I won in the Happy Holidays from FatWallet.com contest arrived, and it's really, really bright red!
NOTE: This post is long overdue. I started working on it back on 12/26/04 (when we got the phone) but forgot about it.
I hate scams. Cell phones (and cellular service) are scams. The whole experience is unsavory. Cell phone stores rank right up there on the list of unpleasantries with used car lots.
We had done a bit of research prior to entering the shop, determined that the decision was between T-mobile and Cingular, and walked out to compare prices. Less than half a block away we were quoted a slightly better price, so we took that information back to the first place. In the end we got a free Siemens CF62T phone and the $29.99 plan (300 minutes, free weekends) from T-mobile, with a $75 rebate (from the store, after 6 months of service).
T-Mobile has some useful (though relatively unpublished) features:
Check your remaining minutes: #MIN# (#646#)
Check your balance: #BAL# (#225)
Call customer care: 611 (or 800-937-8997)
Check your voicemail without using minutes: Dial your T-Mobile phone number and press the [*] key when you hear your greeting. If you do not hear the voice prompts asking for your password, disconnect and redial your T-Mobile phone number and press the [#] key when you hear your greeting.
I recently (late January) received my first piece of mail from T-mobile, a pamphlet describing my plan. To my surprise, it listed the price of the plan at $39.99. I double checked the contract, which listed the $29.99 price. I called to complain, then to check my balance/minutes used. To my surprise, despite having been using the phone for nearly a month, they only showed 7 used minutes and no bill. As near as I can tell, their system seems to think that we just started using the phone sometime in late January.
Finally, if and when you get a new phone (cellular or not), don't test it out by calling 9-1-1.
Via chat, Phil humored me, and I was literally LOL. I informed him of my state in the following manner:
lol ... literally
Both he and I suspected that it might be an original alteration to the traditional "LOL," but based on a Google search, it seems that a handful of earlier uses exist. (Note: Because "loll" is a real word, I restricted the search to sites that defined it.) Regardless, as I did come up with it on my own, I'll claim LOLL () as my own!
Meanwhile, a quick check of LLOL shows a few more uses of a similar abbreviation.